


The Little Things Give You Away

by allthehomoslash



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: I can't think of anymore tags, Let me know if there's anything else I need to tag in this, M/M, Minor Character Death, Oh yeah angst. Mucho angsty., Post-Marauders' Era, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 18:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4359467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthehomoslash/pseuds/allthehomoslash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic based on The Little Things Give You Away by Linkin Park. Regulus' last thoughts before his death in the cave where he drowned. WolfStar, slight Regulus/Barty Crouch Jr. Reflection on Regulus' feelings towards Barty, his intentions for the locket, his intention to make amends with Sirius. Chapters 2,3, and 4 are Barty, Sirius, and Remus' reactions to the letters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting here. Not quite sure how formatting works. A fair amount of this fic is meant to be in italics. Anyone who can help me out with any tips, hit me up? Help would be much appreciated.

Water grey...  
Through the windows...  
Up the stairs...

So this is it...  
Cold, so cold. Can't fight anymore.  
I tried Barty, I really did, but I'm so cold, so tired. What I'd give to be in your arms right now.

Chilling rain...  
Like an ocean...  
Everywhere...

It feels like it's seeping into my bones now. I've never been this cold.  
I couldn't fight back if I wanted to now, I'm trembling so badly.

Don't want to reach for me do you?  
I mean nothing to you...  
The little things give you away...

I hope Barty finds the letter.  
I hope Sirius doesn't burn his without opening it.  
I pray to the gods that Remus doesn't try to protect Sirius by ignoring his letter, or destroying it, or not saying anything to Sirius at all about the fact that I wrote to Remus.  
I don't want them to think that I don't love any of them, James, Lily and Remus as well as my brother.

And now there will be no mistaking...  
The levees are breaking...

Fuck. Everything's getting dark. I've got to fight it. I'm so scared.  
I'm surrounded by so much water that I can't even tell if I'm crying or not.

All you've ever wanted...  
Was someone to truly look up to you...  
And six feet...  
Underwater...  
I do...

Mum... Dad... Not the best parents in the world - they did after all make my childhood intolerable and Sirius's a living hell (I can't even pretend to imagine how Siri coped...).  
At least they taught me some valuable lessons about the ugly side of life. I've got to give them that.  
But fucking hell. They're part of the reason Sirius doesn't see me anymore... They're part of the reason Siri won't see me again.

Hope decays...  
Generations...  
Disappear...

I-... I'm not getting out of this alive. I'm not going to fucking make it. I'm no Gryffindor. I don't have any extra reserves to call upon. I used up what I had just getting here to accomplish this. So drained...

Washed away...  
As a nation...  
Simply stares...

And there's no one to help me.  
Should I have sent the letters earlier?  
Would they have found me? Will they find me?  
I hope they bury me somewhere Barty and Sirius can both visit me. Maybe they'll be beside me one day.  
I hope they find me. These stares... They burn my soul.  
These eyes, these hands. So many.  
Too many.

Don't want to reach for me do you?

I'd even grab Voldemort's hand right now. Or cousin Bellatrix's.

The little things give you away...

She'd probably kill me herself though, stupid unstable bitch. Sick puppy that one.

And now there will be no mistaking...  
The levees are breaking...

I'm going to have to breathe soon. My lungs are at breaking point.  
I'm not getting out of here anyway. But I can't fight the instinct.  
Maybe if I'd had more Gryffindor-ish tendencies to begin with...

All you've ever wanted...  
Was someone to truly look up to you...

Like Siri. He would've known the best way. He would've just been strong enough to take the interrogation, the looks, the isolation that goes with turning coat.  
I couldn't though.  
I needed to prove to myself just as much as anyone else that I'm tired of it, that I'm done with Voldemort and his insanity.

And six feet...  
Underground now I...  
Now I do...

I never hated Sirius. Tried but I could never bring myself to. Always envied him for having friends that cared so much.  
The only person I had was Barty, and we were just trying to stay alive. There's no way I could've gone to live with him.  
His dad had no clue, and he put way too much pressure on Barty anyway, and my family would've killed Barty and I both for fraternising. If Voldemort didn't first.

The little things give you away...

Fuck Barty, I don't want to leave you alone. I was going to save you as well, this was for both of us. We were going to go to the Order together you know. Being a Death Eater... It's going to send you to insanity and an early grave.  
I didn't even kiss you goodbye.

The little things give you away...  
And Sirius... I never even got to show him that he was right and it was so fucked up as a Death Eater, and that I still cared, that I never stopped caring, and that it hurt not talking to him anymore, or having him to comfort me, or to tell him that I fucking miss my big brother and need him so fucking much. Death Eater or not, it didn't matter. He was always my big brother. He never stopped being my big brother.

The little things give you away...

Regulus inhaled and felt the water burn as it flooded his lungs, and made him even colder. But the cold only lasted for a few seconds, and then it was dark.


	2. Barty's Letter

Barty, my love.

If you're reading this, it's too late. I've failed.  
I've failed you, I've failed my brother, I've failed myself.  
I was meant to come back. We were meant to face the Order and seek asylum together. Maybe you would've been able to see Sirius as he truly was then. I think you two could've been great friends.  
I know what you're thinking. If you want to blame anyone blame Voldemort. He was the only reason I had to take on this task and fail it.

I'm going to miss those nights that we were able to get away and just be us, just hold each other, just forget that there's a madman threatening to shatter our sanity and destroy our humanity. I'll miss your kisses, your touch, your warmth, your laugh, your thoughts, the way you would just hold me, for hours on end, and I'd wake up to see that you hadn't slept, the way you could promise that everything will be alright and I could believe it. I don't ever want you to think that you broke a promise to me. Years down the line you'll find you were telling me the truth, love. It just took longer than the both of us thought.

I wish we could've been more open about what we had, and if I had succeeded, we could've. Sirius and Remus were. And they were just fine. None of that homophobic crap the other Death Eaters sprout that forces us to stay silent about our feelings around them.  
I wish we could have had longer.  
I wish we could've seen the end of the war together.

I can't stop you from trying to find me, I know that. So I want you to promise me some things.  
Promise me you'll go to the Order. Take this letter with you. It's been spelled not to show anything about you and I just in case. That's your decision to make, not mine.  
Promise me you'll try to get to know my brother and his friends? I understand that my brother can be pigheaded, but his friends aren't as bad. You need someone to keep you sane now that I'm gone. If this letter doesn't already break you.  
Promise me that if by any chance you happen upon my body - I pray you don't go anywhere near where I was, but if you're resilient enough to find a way - promise me that you will try to have me buried in a place where both you and my brother will both be able to visit, and might possibly be buried next to me, either side, when the time comes.  
Most of all though I want you to promise me that if you find someone else, you'll take the chance. I want you to be as happy as you can. Don't dwell on me when there could be someone else who will try to love you just as much.

I love you, with all my heart. Don't ever forget how amazing you are. Be safe, and make the right decision. Do the right thing, for me.

I will wait for you.

Your friend, your lover, your protector,  
Regulus Arcturus Black.

Barty finished reading the letter with a great heaving sob, already feeling the ache in his heart, and the fractures in his mind. It was too late, and he didn't know if he could make any of those promises.  
With his tears slightly blurring the parchment, and his weight leaving a dull throb in his knees - when did my legs give out? - Barty was torn. The pain was far worse than any he felt Voldemort could ever attempt to inflict upon anyone on the earth, and all he wanted was to make someone else feel it.  
This wasn't fair. None of it was fair. The war, the prejudices, the loss of his soulmate. It was all just so unfair that Barty just wanted to lose control, and obliterate something. Anything. With Voldemort he could do this. But siding with Voldemort may very well mean that he'd just break his better half's heart again on the other side.

Pulling out a piece of parchment and some ink, Barty vowed to do what he could to fulfill Regulus' wishes. And he started by writing to the Order, and getting some sleep, however restless it was bound to be.


	3. Sirius' Letter

Sirius, my dear brother.

If you have opened this letter and have not discounted or burned it yet, thank you.

You were right. You were always right. It's just taken me ages to finally see it clearly and just as long to finally admit it.  
Voldemort is far more dangerous than anyone thought, and I get the feeling that the war will go on far, far longer than anyone believes it will.  
The things I've seen, witnessed, been forced to participate in... All of it is dwarved by knowing just how far Voldemort will go in his pursuit of power, control, glory... And it sickens me so much it has me turning sides.

Brother, I never hated you, and I know you were angry, frustrated, disappointed. I get it.   
But did you really have to sever every link you ever had to me? I love you Siri, I never stopped loving you. You are and always will be Siri, my older brother, who was there to comfort, care for, hold me because our parents clearly couldn't.  
You and Remus showed me that it's okay, and gave me the nerve to find my someone.   
You taught me that one's morals are worth the price one might have to pay to adhere to them.   
You taught me that causes are worth fighting for.  
You taught me the value of being on the right side of that fight.  
I just wish that I'd had the courage to follow through on this earlier.  
I should probably get to the point of this letter.

I am requesting asylum (not for myself, but for a good friend of mine) from the Order.  
I wish I could be going with him, but it's too late. What's done is done, and hopefully my actions will redeem me and assist the Order's efforts in time.

You will soon be hearing from Barty Crouch Jr.  
And I know you don't owe me anything Siri, but I must ask this of you regardless.  
I need you to try and ensure Barty gets protection from the Order. He's important to me and will probably be very fragile when he contacts you, being a Death Eater hasn't been easy on either me or him.

Please try to get along with Barty. You and Barty could've been great friends at school given the chance.I was going to try to build that bridge myself, but I'm not going to get the chance now.  
He doesn't have anyone else now, and he needs someone to be a friend to him.

Barty used to tell me that he was always jealous of the fact I had a brother, considering he always wanted one himself.  
It hurts him almost as much as it hurts me that you and I don't talk. He's kind, intelligent, loyal.  
I'll haunt you if you take advantage of that.

You once protected me, shielded me from the world. I need you to do this for Barty now.

I won't be seeing you again in this world, brother. I was too stubborn, and I relented too late.

Treat Barty as the brother you wish you'd had all these years. And forgive me for not being able to be the brother you needed.

Please be discreet. I know you've picked up on it, but I've left the decision up to Barty as to whether he tells anyone about himself and I.  
Also, his father is clueless about his being a Death Eater - actually, his father is clueless about every aspect of his son's life - and would only serve to make Barty more fragile at this time. There is no love lost between the two of them.

Do not blame yourself, do not blame our parents, and please do not blame Barty. He's the only reason I survived this long, and I was the one to make my decisions, no one else.  
If you try to find me, I want you to promise me something.  
Promise me that if you find my body, I am buried somewhere that both you and Barty will be able to visit, and that one day you might think about being buried alongside me.

I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you more.  
I'm sorry I let you think I hated you. I thought it was for the best, as you probably did as well, but it clearly wasn't.  
I'm sorry I won't see you again.  
I'm sorry I can't make any guarantees about you finding my remains.  
I'm sorry I can't hug my brother again and show him how much he truly means to me.  
I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to know your friends better. They truly are good people.  
I'm sorry I let you down.

Don't lose any sleep over me. Tell Remus that he's good for you. I approve.  
I love you brother, don't ever forget it. Stay safe.

Your loving brother,  
Regulus Arcturus Black.

Sirius woke up on the comfortable rug he and Remus kept on the floor for Padfoot at the Shrieking Shack, to find a letter addressed to him in his brother Regulus' handwriting.

Something's not right. Something's not right.

With slightly shaking hands, Sirius opened the letter and read it.  
By the time he finished, Remus had woken on the bed and was watching Sirius suddenly lose it in front of him.

With tears flowing freely, Sirius stood and launched himself at the nearest wall, punching, kicking, throwing things, screaming.  
Remus gingerly limped over to where the letter had been abandoned on the floor, and picked it up and read it too.  
Remus blanched, and started crying both for his boyfriend and for Barty.  
Remus couldn't bear to think about what would have been if it was Sirius instead of Regulus, and could only imagine the pain Barty would be experiencing right now.

Ignoring his screaming muscles and joints, Remus quickly walked over and wrapped his arms around his Paddy's waist, pinning the man's arms to his sides.  
Sirius screamed again, a sound filled with confusion, and pure rage, anguish, and sadness, as his legs gave out underneath him.

Summoning his wand, Remus set to work healing the significant amount of damage Sirius had done to himself in just a matter of minutes, as he wrapped himself around his mate.

Remus rocked Sirius slowly as he hummed the same tune Sirius had used to soothe him so many times before, calming Sirius and helping himself ignore the fact that Sirius was holding on to him for dear life, so tightly that Remus could barely breathe.

After what seemed like an eternity Remus realised that while the tears were still flowing and sobs still wracked the body of the man he loved, he had relented somewhat in his hold on Remus's waist.  
Ignoring the pain flowing like liquid fire through his limbs, Remus lifted Sirius and carried him across to the bed, still humming the same calming tune the whole time. Sitting against the wall he manoeuvred Sirius on to the bed with him, covering them both with the threadbare blanket as Sirius leaned into his side and claimed Remus' shoulder as his pillow.  
"Remy I-"  
"Shh. Enough. Your pain far outweighs mine right now. There's no potion or spell to heal yours. Sleep."

Sirius shifted slightly and Remus felt him mumble "I love you so much Remy" against his shoulder as Remus started gently running his fingers through Sirius' dark locks and pulled the blanket tighter around them.

It was in this moment he noticed a near identical, albeit slightly thicker envelope sitting on the headboard of the bed with his own name in Regulus' unmistakeable handwriting. Breathing deeply he suppressed the urge to reach for the letter now, not wanting to disturb the calm state Sirius was currently in.

No, he would wait until Sirius was sleeping before doing so, and they could discuss it when Siri wasn't feeling so vulnerable. The added blow of whatever was in Remus' letter would be too much for the man to bear now. Remus pressed his lips to Sirius' forehead, feeling his mate slowly relax into the first throes of sleep.


	4. Remus' Letter

Remus.

I know what you must think of me. I don't blame you. Sirius'll probably show you anyway but in case he doesn't read it at all, I have enclosed a duplicate of the letter I sent him, to ensure that he hears. Don't try to hide this from him - these are my last words to the both of you, and estranged or not he'll want to hear them.

I have so many regrets when it comes to Sirius. Not standing with him, not supporting him more, not doing more to prove that he's still my brother and that I still love him.  
But one of my biggest regrets, because it would've sent the strongest message, was not getting to know you, James, and Lily better.

Remus, despite my background, and your unfortunate circumstances, I have never seen myself to be superior to you. On the contrary, it has always been the opposite.   
You've been brave, you've been strong, you've persevered, you've endured. You've always been good to everyone, and have always treated my brother like the great man he is. I've never heard you say a bad word about anyone, even me, and Merlin knows I'd probably deserve it.  
I envy you for this - a lesser man in your position would've broken long ago Remus, and I've never been particularly strong or courageous.

You're the type of man I wish I could've been. What I would have aspired to if I made it out of this.  
Which is why I approve of you for Sirius. He's always been different around you. You make him a better person.  
He really does love you, you know. I've noticed recently that the way Siri acts around you, and the way I act around Barty, is nearly identical.

I don't know if Sirius will be able to while mourning, but I requested in my letter to him that he try and get to know Barty. I hope that one day the two of them might be buried either side of me - if my remains can be retrieved.   
I also hope that maybe you and Siri, James, and Lily can be the surrogate family Barty so desperately needs. His family life is nonexistent, his father is oblivious to any aspect of his son's agony.   
I've been the only thing keeping him from breaking. Without that influence I fear for his wellbeing and safety.

Please ask James and Lily to give him a chance for my sake. I know that despite our history we had a mutual respect.  
I'm so sorry I never made the effort with you guys. But my sense of self-preservation was always stronger.

Sirius acts extremely rashly when emotionally wounded, and I don't doubt for a minute that he won't at the very least try to find my last whereabouts, at best succeed.  
I'd like to think he wouldn't go alone, but you and I both know him better.  
Please, stop him from doing anything he'll regret, from making my same mistakes.

Remind him that none of it was ever his fault, and that no blame falls to him. Same goes for Barty.

Thank you all for being the family Siri never had.  
All I ask is that you give Barty the same opportunity also.

Your brother-in-law,  
Regulus Arcturus Black.

Remus finished reading the letter, and choked on a sob.

Regulus was the only Black family member who had mattered to his Sirius. And to hear that he approved was so damn important to Sirius and himself."Oh Regulus, you mule-headed dolt. Could've saved yourself the trouble and sent these letters years ago," Remus whispered.

Sirius stirred from his position against Remus' chest and mumbled sleepily.  
"What was that Pads?"  
"Said wha's matter? Heard you cryin'. Then whisperin'..."

Remus chuckled quietly and said "Nothing's wrong. It can wait until you're up to talking, love. Sleep."  
"You sleep too," Sirius said as he dragged his wolf down to lie with his head on the pillow. "Not fooling me. You haven't slept while you've been holding me. Rest," he said as he found himself a comfortable spot against Remus' side again, all the while not unwrapping his arms from around the wolf.  
"Mmph. Love you Moony."  
Remus kissed his head quickly, and whispered "Love you too Siri. Don't ever forget it," before succumbing to slumber again himself.


End file.
